How I Objectify My Wife
Yesterday, I published a story called “All My Wife Needs Is Food and Cuddles” (link at the end). When I shared it on Facebook, one of my female friends, who read only the first two paragraphs…
All My Wife Needs Is Food and Cuddles
This is an off-the-cuff, quick-start care-and-feeding guide for the wonderful woman I’m lucky enough to call my wife. I’m writing this guide in a little coffee shop in Incline Village, Nevada, near…
Even the Arguments Are Perfect
After eating dinner, I sat on the sofa. Cindy was in the kitchen and she said, “Someone didn’t wash the dishes!” in a way that suggested that I should have washed them. “I’m fine! I just wish you…
My Struggle with Projective Identification
I’ve been in therapy on and off, mostly on, for almost twenty years. I like therapy so much that I even trained to be a therapist, getting a Ph.D. in clinical psychology. Anyone who needs that much…
It’s Just Another Sunday
One of my favorite things about Cindy right now is the way she hides her smiles from me. Sometimes, when I say something sweet to her, she turns away and hides the smile. When I let her know that I…
The Simplicity of Life
I have psychotherapy every week. I meditate now and then; I meditated this morning. I go to work. I exercise frequently. I try to sleep for eight hours per night, and I try to go to sleep at roughly…
Why My Wife Thinks That I’m a Good Man
Recently, my wife has been calling me a good man. She said to me, “You’re such a good man, Duncan!” It really struck me hard because, while some kids want to grow up to be fire fighters, or…
Our Beautiful and Painful Relationship
I don’t care if my wife leaves me. Why would I want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me? Sure, it would break my heart. Sure, I would cry in strange locations at random times for many…
Hugging for High-Achievers
I’m usually at my desk in the early morning, writing nonsense like this, when I hear a distressed-sounding “boo boo?!” from the bedroom. When Cindy was very little she used to sleep in the same bed…
I Relentlessly Drench My Wife With Love. Here’s How and Why.
The first thing I do in the morning, when Cindy wakes up, is to tell her that I love her. With emphasis and enthusiasm, I say, “I love you soooooo much!” Then the last thing I do before we go to…
For Our Anniversary, We Almost Died Together
It was the fourth anniversary of our relationship. We were playing in the waves in Costa Rica when I saw that Cindy, five or six feet from me, was looking concerned. I remembered reading that…
Resentment
Resentment: a yacht I used to feel with drafting sail¹ and canting keel²; once plied upon the sea of life, then harbored, safe, towards my wife³. At last I chose to seek the sane, with eyes washed…
How I’m Training Duncan to Be a Better Husband
Over the holidays, my husband Duncan published an article entitled How I’m Training My Wife to Be Happy. It’s a brow-raising title and one I knew would catch people’s attention, making some curious…
The Theory of Adorable Attachment
I’m going to start by summarizing attachment theory, and then relate it to my relationship with my wife, Cindy. If you’re already thoroughly familiar with attachment theory then you might want to…
How I’m Training My Wife to Be Happy
Cindy and I were married three-and-a-half years ago. Our companionship, intimacy, and love have deepened over that time, and we have developed an extremely stable foundation. This has been possible…
The Most Important Relationship Skill
There is a one key skill that you can develop that will make you masterful in relationships. Without this skill, your relationships will be unsatisfying and short-lived. With this skill, you will be…
How to Create True Love
A relationship usually starts with a honeymoon period in which each person is infatuated with the other. This period can last from a few weeks to a few years, but usually last for about six months…
It turns me on when she cries
I’m going to tell you about an argument that my wife (Cindy) and I had last night. I’m writing about it partly because I want to show you how unexpectedly productive an argument can be; I want to…
What I learned from dating a female narcissist
Only a small fraction of the women I have dated have acted-out consistently on the narcissistic spectrum. I have combined the experiences with those women into a composite for the purposes of this…
I married the first person I had sex with. Here’s what I learned.
She stroked my leg under the table in the Student Union. I liked that, so I married her. I’m serious. This is what I’m like; I tend to go all-in immediately. I commit like crazy. At least this is…
21 Relationship Principles You Need To Know
Everyone wants a great relationship. Most people either don’t know what they need to do consistently to have a great relationship, or they struggle to take action they know is necessary. Having a…
Day 62: Grow Your Emotional Bank Account
I was talking with a friend recently when I mentioned the emotional bank account. He had not heard of the concept, and I realized that many people might not know about this. I learned about the…
Why My Wife Comes 40 Times per Day
I’m not writing this article to shock you, or to brag. I know that, mostly because of shame, sex is often not discussed, or is glossed-over. I know that problems with sex is one of the main factors…